Jellicle Revenge (On Chibi Teazer... EEEP!)
by Chibi Teazer
Summary: Okay... this is sooo silly.. but stay tuned for the second chapter... coming soon.. yeah soon... (Also just uploaded the second chapter of the Edible Plates). I will upload maybe two fics each week. Haven't got much time thanks to that horrible thing name
1. Default Chapter

Well, this is the result of having coffee ten minutes before 'bed time'. The CATS retaliate against my horrible fanfics (well in their opinion anyway).  
  
  
  
CT – (singing to herself in the middle of an auditorium) Oh the grand old duke of york… he had ten thousand men.. lalalalalalalalalala.  
  
Bombi – (Entering from a side door) Oh puh-leese. Spare us the pain!  
  
CT – Why are you always on my case?  
  
Bombi – May it have something to so with the fact that A) You forced me to learn tennis or B) You had me riding around on a duck in the last fanfic?  
  
CT – Heh heh heh… that was funny.  
  
Bombi – Wasn't  
  
CT – Was  
  
Bombi – Wasn't!  
  
CT – Was!  
  
Bombi – WASN'T!  
  
CT – WAS!  
  
Mungo – (Entering through side door) Wot are ya arg'yewin' bout this toime?  
  
CT – I dunno… you got any idea?  
  
Bombi – (shrugs) Nup. What are you making us do this time anyway?  
  
CT – Who says I'm making you do anything?  
  
Mungo – Coos evrytoime tha' yoo are anywhere neer us sumfin is bound ta go rong!  
  
CT – Only in my spoofs! Nothing really bad happened in the serious fanfics!  
  
Exo – (Entering from side door) Excuse me? You almost killed me by jumping me into traffic!  
  
CT – But I didn't actually kill you did I?  
  
Exo – But you &*#(% freaked me at the same time!  
  
Mungo – An' wot 'bout tha toime ya tried ta kill Teaze?  
  
CT – Huh? Oh the pool incident?  
  
Rumple – (Entering through side door) (Mumbling) Woi can' she fink of somefin differen' every toime a new character enters… (notices everyone) (Sarcastically) Geez someone prick me wif a pin. She's tryin somefin new and exciting!  
  
CT – Do I hear a hint of sarcasm in your voice?  
  
Mungo – I fink it woz more than a bi' a sarcasm.  
  
CT – Ok then, the next character to join us will enter in a different way!  
  
Bombi – Surprise us.  
  
CT – I might! But why is Rumpleteazer here anyway?  
  
Rumple – Well…. The family aren' ta pleased 'bout tha retainin wall tha' we knocke' ova…. The 'ouse is kinda unstable a' tha' momen' (laughing nervously) so I fought I' moight be a be''a oidea ta com an see wot you wer up ta. Obviously oi woz rong.  
  
CT – Hey! That wasn't very nice!  
  
Rumple – Do oi care?  
  
CT – Evidently not. But there must have been some good side to my fics?  
  
(Pounce and Tumble aparate suddenly on the stage)  
  
Pounce – Don't tell me she's started on her apparating crap again?  
  
Tumble – I'd say you hit the nail on the head.  
  
CT – Why are you here?  
  
Tumble – You tell me.  
  
CT – Well… can anyone tell me a good thing about my fanfics?  
  
Pounce – SEING MUNKU IN A DRESS!!! (Falls over laughing hysterically)  
  
Munku – (voice from below stage) I heard that!  
  
(Pounce and Tumble quietly and quickly make their way out of the auditorium)  
  
CT – Uh oh… someone's in trouble!!  
  
Author – Oh pull the other one….  
  
CT – Hey? I can't talk to myself can I?  
  
Bombi – (Whispering to Jerrie and Teazer) She seems pretty happy talking to the voices in her head….  
  
CT – I heard that and I am not a schitzo—shitzoo… (yes Author admits she can't spell skitzofrenic (sound it out you'll get the jist of what I mean) ooh!! I just found spell checker.. he he… here's that last word I wanted schizophrenic.  
  
CT – And the character "Author" completely deletes herself from this story.  
  
Author – Huh? (A 'magic dust' type noise is heard then a fizzle and: AHHHHHHHHHHH……………)  
  
CT – Well, that takes care of her.  
  
Tugger – (Enters on a string… does that sound familiar to you…? Oh well, enters on a string singing to himself) The Rum Tum Tugger is a curious Cat… MIAOW!! (All cats cringe as the 'stage hand' above drops him… oh dear…)  
  
CT – That gotta hurt…  
  
Tugger – You think?!?!?!?!??!  
  
Bombi – Why d'ya enter on Misto's string?  
  
Misto – Cause he's a terrible bore and can't think anything new up by himself… so much for his ego leading him…  
  
Tugger – Where'dyou come from?  
  
Misto – I'm magical remember… (mutter's something that sounds like 'braindead')  
  
Tugger – And what was all that about me and Misto in your last fic?? (Starts to unsheath a claw)  
  
CT – (Backing away…) Well… I'm not the only fic writer who has done it!  
  
Bombi – But you're the only one stupid enough to do it while he was actually around you….  
  
Misto – Do you realise how hard it has been for us to live that down??  
  
CT – Er… nope…. (looks very frightened as the two of them start advancing on poor little me…)  
  
(Suddenly all the kittens run in from outside.)  
  
Jemima – Geez…. She's got originality oozing out of every pore. Why are we (motioning to Etc, Leccy, Herself, Pounce and Tumble) always thought to be 'the kittens'?  
  
CT – Cause you are… (shaking head and rolling eyes.)  
  
(Little author note: I'm not trying to make out that Jemima/Sillabub is stupid… in fact I think she's one of the best kitties in the play. She gets such good singing parts…. Wistful sigh……….)  
  
Etc – Wanna see my new grubbie??  
  
Leccy – It's all green and has red feeler thingys on it!  
  
(Another little author note: In case you haven't figured it out yet, I'm trying to make these two kitties like Phil and Lil Deville in Rugrats… oh damn… there's something else I'll have to add to the disclaimer… shoot…)  
  
CT – (Looking slightly green) I'm fine thanks guys…..  
  
Munku – (Appears from the 'costume room') Hello all!  
  
CT – What the hell are you wearing? (entering in a nice 1890's style dress with corsetry and all so that he looks like a female dressed up as an 1890's style woman in a male cats outfit underneath. Phew…)  
  
Munku – (Looks around in confusion) Tugger told me we were doing My Fair Lady and you had cast me Eliza Doolittle.  
  
Tugger – (Laughing hard)  
  
Munku – You &*^#(@($ I hate your *(@($^$(@W.  
  
CT – Munku! There are kittens here!  
  
Munku – I'm sick of this!!!! &*@($&@#* Hell!!! (leaves in a… shall we say… disgruntled manner.)  
  
CT – Tugger!!!!  
  
Tugger – (Inocent look) What?  
  
CT – Why do you always go out of your way to annoy me!  
  
Tugger – Heh heh heh… I'm a jerk…. It's my job.  
  
Misto – You got that right.  
  
(A sudden squealing noise is heard. A few CATS hiss as a rumbling noise starts building. Enter a CAT screaming through the auditorium in a black leather jacket on a motorbike with a passenger in the side carriage)  
  
Biker – Hello.  
  
(Cats stare…. A few raise eyebrows… wait… cats don't have eyebrows… dag nabbit.!… okay…. CT raises eyebrow.)  
  
CT – Can I help you?  
  
(Takes of helmet to reveal……)  
  
  
  
HA HA!!! I'm SOOOOOOO MEAN!!! WAIT Until next chapter is up!!! Grin!!! HA HA!!!!  
  
Bombi – She must have had coffee again. God only knows what happens if she ever has alcohol.  
  
God – Indeed I do.  
  
(No offence to any Christians about God's appearance. In fact I am a strict(ish) Christian and I'm even enrolled in a Presbyterian Ladies College. (Chapel every Thrusday.) So no offence meant at all.) 


	2. La la la... oh.. who's the phantom biker...

Well, back again! Oh joy.  
  
So far in the past chapter we have heard from many of the cats. At the moment though an unnamed cat has just 'brooooomeed' into the auditorium. Well…. Who is this cat?  
  
Biker – Hello?  
  
CT – Who are you?  
  
(Pulling of helmet)  
  
Jenny – Just me darling!  
  
(all cats are 'pop' eyed.)  
  
Biker 2 – Gemme outta here Jen!  
  
Jenny – Oh sorry.. (reaches over to her passenger and pulls the passenger out of the side car)  
  
(Biker 2 removes helmet. A gasp goes up into the crowd)  
  
Jelly – Hello all!  
  
CT – I see you got over my last fic?  
  
Pounce – Mum must be losing her marbles.  
  
Tumble – Yeah, either that or she's having a hard time getting over the fact that Tugger is ga…. (notices Tugger looking rather menacingly at him)  
  
Tugger – I'm what???!!??!?!?  
  
Tumble – Errr….. you're he he he he….  
  
Tugger – Speak up boy I can't hear you!  
  
Tumble – I ain't no boy!  
  
Tugger – Then stop acting like one.  
  
Demi – (Walks out from backstage and is consulting a pile of papers) I think that's the smartest thing you've ever said in a fanfic.  
  
Tugger – Excuse me?  
  
Demi – Well, here I have all the fics ever written about you or including you and well, that's the most sensible thing you have ever said in any of them. There's one here that has something to do with you getting covered in pink paint and thinking that you were going to die. (Looks at him with one eyebrow… oh damn… no eyebrows… forgot about that… meh.. one eye narrowish and the other one open wide… that's my lame way of making a cat have one eyebrow raised okay..)  
  
Tugger – How did you get that! I warned the author that….  
  
Demi – (Cutting him off) And there's another one here where you swallow a chew toy and ooh… better not go into the ending of that one.. Jenny might just cough a furball…  
  
Jenny – (One eye narrow the other one wide) I might what? What is that all about?  
  
Tugger – Nothing Jen!! Nothing at all!!  
  
Alonzo – Where did I come from?  
  
Tugger – God only knows….  
  
God – Indeed I do, it came from the Internet. A very good human invention I must say. Have a look at this great site about me!  
  
(As I said in the last one of this, very strict Christian and I'm just making it a pun on words, so please don't take it seriously or get cross and whatever. I'm sure God would be honored to be in a fanfic that has anything to do with CATS.)  
  
Jenny – The internet huh?  
  
Demi – And there's also one of CT new ones out about Tanto and Cori.  
  
CT – Huh? I haven't even finished writing that one yet! That's impossible!  
  
Demi – Nothing's impossible with the internet. He he he.  
  
Tugger – You haven't found any ones that (Whispering to Demi) include me and Misto?  
  
Demi – Er.. no.. and I don't want to!  
  
CT – Lets um move on shall we? Any other complaints.  
  
Munku – (Emerging in "normal" costume) I wanna know why I have to be the cross dresser? Every time.  
  
CT – Fine, no more "cross-dressing" for you. I'll figure out someone else for that part. (Looking at Tugger smiling a little. Fortunately no-one else notices)  
  
Munku – Oh thankyou thankyou thankyou! (Runs over to her and goes to hug her but realises who it is and stops)  
  
CT – Oh geez, thanks. While we're at it, any more complaints?  
  
Jenny – (Still in like black leather and everything.) I don't think the kittens should be allowed to see your plays. Last time there was *ahem* (walks over to the kittens and plugs their ears before speaking) there was sexuality problems and very strong language.  
  
CT – How is that my fault? They're your tribe not mine! (Oh damn… disclaimer… meh… write it later..)  
  
Jenny – But you encourage it!  
  
CT – How?  
  
Demi – Well (pushes a pair of reading glasses up her nose before trying to read of a piece of paper) there was that time that you threatened to do 'something' unpleasant to Macavity with a ballpoint pen.  
  
CT – He's the bad guy!  
  
Jenny – That doesn't mean that he has no feelings though.  
  
CT – (Shaking head) I can't believe I'm hearing this…  
  
Munku – Neither can I! He's the evil one!  
  
Tugger – But he's still our brother.  
  
Munku – Oh go away and be the love god somewhere else.  
  
Tugger – Gack? (Sorta like the noise Salem off Sabrina the Teenage witch makes)  
  
Jelly – Oh stop this nonsense. Why are we here?  
  
CT – How am I supposed to know! You just steamed on in on a motorbike!  
  
Jelly – She's gotta point there.  
  
Jenny – She has a point dear not "She's gotta point"!  
  
Jelly – Don't you go correcting my talking! I'll speak in whatever way I want!  
  
CT – Uh oh..  
  
Bombi – I think that she hasn't been doing her meditation recently.  
  
(Jenny and Jelly leave the auditorium arguing)  
  
CT – Anything else?  
  
Pounce – I'm sick of being called Pounce.  
  
CT – Excuse me?!?!?! It's your name!!!!!!!  
  
Pounce – I think I'll change it by deed poll.  
  
(All cats stare at him as if he had wings growing out of his head)  
  
CT – To what?!?!  
  
Pounce – I dunno. Any ideas?  
  
Tumble – How about Ima?  
  
Pounce – Ima what?  
  
Tumble – Idiot!! HA HA HA HA HA!!!!  
  
Pounce – (Evilly glares in the general direction of 'Tumblebrutus') Seriously, I think I might change my name to Slim or something.  
  
Tugger – (Puts on an accent) You do that Cowpoke! Soon you can be singin' us all them country and western songs!  
  
(Everyone cracks up except Pounce who is advancing on Tugger) (Do I do a lot of advancing on people/Cats in these fics or is it just me?)  
  
Pounce – Well can you come up with anything better?  
  
Tugger – I'm sorry, I don't want to change my name.  
  
Pounce – Huh? That wasn't the question you idiot.  
  
Tugger – Oh go jump in some daisies with the other kittens.  
  
(Suddenly music is heard from backstage)  
  
CT – (to herself) Thankyou Admetus.  
  
(Kittens all start dancing the "Chicken Dance". You know the one where you clap your hands and flap your 'wings'. Also called the bird dance.)  
  
Victoria – YAYYY!!!!!  
  
Jemi – Watch me!!! (She starts waddling around bow legged)  
  
(Pounce and Tumble start doing some sort of farm dance, which includes kicking a lot and tapping paws)  
  
(All the other cats stare in horror)  
  
Munku – I though I told you not to give anyone in my tribe catnip ever again after what you did in the second half of Little Red Riding Bombi!  
  
CT – I didn't give them catnip. They're doing it on their own!  
  
(Cats continue staring in horror)  
  
Unknown Person – MWA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA HA!!!!!!!  
  
Demeter – Bugger of Macavity. We've got a bit of a crisis here.  
  
(Macavity drops his arms which were above his head before and stares at the kits. He walks over to the other cats and stares with one eye narrowed and one eye wide.)  
  
Mac – What the hell are they doing?  
  
Rumple – They're dancin'. Are you braindea' or sumthin'  
  
Etcetera – What's braindead?  
  
Jemi – Oh gosh… here we go again…  
  
Mac – That's dancing?  
  
Mungo – The' apparen'ly fink so.  
  
Rumple – This is bloo'y ridiculus.  
  
Munku – I agree.  
  
Bombi – Me to. Lets stop them. Asparagus turn that bleedin music off!  
  
Aspag- Why? (Notices the kits) Oh. (Music promptly stops.)  
  
CT – Are we almost finished?  
  
Munku – I'd say so. Go and write a serious fic or something cause we are sick of you.  
  
CT – Oh gee. Talk about a personality problem.  
  
Munku – Shuttup.  
  
CT – (Makes a face at him.) do you have to be somewhere? (Points to all the cats assembled)  
  
Bombi – Nup  
  
Demeter – Nup  
  
Kits – Nup  
  
Everyone else – Nup.  
  
CT – Well I do, so good bye. (Walks out the door in the Auditorium and leaves them there.) (Now talking to herself) Ha ha, that was the only fic where I left on them and they didn't leave on me. Rather refreshing that.  
  
THE END.  
  
Well… I said I'd write a disclaimer but I honestly can't be bothered. I'm supposed to be doing homework but… I can't be bothered. So I'll go and finish my other two fics. I got some good ideas for new ones (Thanx BrentGirl for a few of them) and I got one by myself. Sorta like a talk show. But that'll be a while. I gotta finish the Tanto and Cori one and I'm gonna do that today! I promise I will! I also gotta finish the Edible Plates. I promise I will finish them and now I'm just (Gets out thesaurus) "talking nonsense" (That's one of the adj. It has for Babble.)  
  
So goodbye for now From:  
  
~Chibi Teazer~  
  
And remember:  
  
^.^ CATS FOREVER!!!!!!!!!!!!! (My catch phrase please don't steal) 


End file.
